Introducing My Poetic Friend, Rusty:

Hey!  Mr. Sandman


Hey! Mr. Sandman
I'm waiting for you.
I've been awake
for an hour or two.


My sheets are all crumpled
from tossin' and turnin'.
My eyes are all red
and itchin' and burnin'.


When I called you last night
you buried me deep
in a mountain of sandy, 
stretch, yawny sleep.


Hey! Mr. Sandman
you have one minute more.
I'll leave my mouth open
if you just make me snore.


Think you're pretty smart? 
Ok! Have it your way.
I'll keep thinkin' about that wonnnnderful girl
that I met today.

My Wondrous Sunshine Catching Machine


My Wondrous Sunshine Catching Machine
Gobbles rays of bright sunlight
Diskombobblebooblelates them
Just to use in darkest night


I am feeling pretty dumb
Eastern Standard Time has come
And it came as quite a shock
That I forgot to set my clock
I was always running late
But my machine would set me straight


I grabbed a bit of morning light
To dab it on the start of night
I tried to switch about one hour
But suddenly my plan went sour
It seems the switch was stuck on high
Now brightness fills the midnight sky


Bats now fly at 6 AM
Light of night is blinding them
Daylight dims as nighttime passes
Owls are wearing dark sunglasses
Sunrise starts my evening prayers
I am having day-nightmares
Dinner is a midnight snack
I'm now a nyctrophobiac
Coyotes howl at morning sun
What horrid change have I begun


No harm was meant to man or beast
But now my problems have increased
My machine has me outsmarted
I need to stop what I have started


My plan will have to wait till night
So there will be sufficient light
To flip the switch and make the climb
Out of Daylight Savings Time 

Act Like a Man


Daddy says that I can
start acting like a man.
I will try Daddy, but, 
that's a pretty big chore
for a boy who’s only four.

Dishwasher Licking Machine


When I'm done with supper
I want my dishes clean
So I give them to my furry
dish washing machine


I put every one of my plates
on the kitchen floor
He makes them sparkly-shiny
and whines around for more


He never licks my forks or knives
a cut he might incur
I just soak them in his dish
and wipe them on his fur


Dessert for him is a bowl
of creamy egg foo yung
He holds it with his hairy paws
and laps it with his tongue


For a snack, no doggy bones
it's crystalware for him
If you tried to wash a glass
He'd tear you limb from limb


I know you might be thinking
that this is a disgrace
At least I don't let doggy
lick me on the face.

Never an Every


If you never had an every
every thing would be all gone.
And never every would you have
a never every one.


Every one from every where
would have no place to go.
With never every nothing to think
and never nothing to know.


If every day were to go away
tomorrow would never be.
You would be stuck in for never
and the never every sea.


In the sea of never
there's only one of you.
There's no never every things
and never nothing to do.


It's lonely in the never
there's never nothing there.
You only go to no place
and never every where.


Don't call for help in the never
there is never ever a sound
You'll sink into the never
and never every be found.


never every

Bad Boy Napper Betty Biddle


I was told when I was little
Of Bad Boy Napper, Betty Biddle
Betty Biddle bad boy napped
Even made a bad boy trap


She filled it up with dirty shoes
Grease and grime and gooey ooze
Betty knew bad boys can't wait
To jump right in to bad boy bait


Betty sat smiling in her swing
Waiting for her trap to spring


Betty Biddle stole bad boys
If they wouldn't share their toys
Off they went to the Land of Share
And she fed them to a Selfish Bear


For those who didn't clean their room
She took them off on a Sweeping Broom
Into the land of Do It Later
She fed them to a Procrastigator


Those who sassed their mom and dad
Were hauled off to the Land of Bad
She sliced and diced them in a vat
And fed them to the Talk Back Bat


Bad boys who skipped from school
End up in the Land of Fool
Drowning in the Dummy Pool
Eaten by the Stupid Ghoul


She stole bad boys from every town
Strung them up and tied them down
Took them to the Land of Gone
Forever buried in her lawn


Bad Boy Napping Betty Biddle
Stole bad boys when they were little
But I never knew that Betty Biddle
Cause I was an angel when I was little 

Bubble Ducky


Rub-a-dub-dub
I jumped in the tub
to wash the dirt off my skin.


My Rubber Duck said, 
'Are you out of your head'? 
My down is already in'.


So I waited about
for him to get out
and he splashed and dove for the soap.


But he's got only wings
to pick up things, 
so he swallowed it up like a dope.


He said with a quack, 
'Will you wash my back? 
But I laughed at my fine feathered craft.


'Cause poor ducky chum
was looking real dumb
blowing bubbles both fore and aft.

Flappers


Our bodies have special wrappers
with tiny, little one-way flappers.
There are millions in our skin.
Water gets out, but never in.


I sweat buckets if it's hot.
If it's cold, then I do not.
Every time that I warm up
then I tend to puddle up.


If I'm hot, my flappers flip
and my skin begins to drip.
But, you know, if I get cold
then my flappers start to fold.


What then if my flapperstat
forgot how hot to open at? 
I would swell up like a hog
if I had a water clog.


It would rust my flooded tummy.
My bones would be all wet and gummy.
My brain would float inside my head.
I'd be sold as a waterbed.


If my sweat could not get out
my nose would be a waterspout.
My feet would look like porky pies.
Fish would swim inside my eyes.


My belt would bust from my big belly
and I would walk like jiggley jelly.
My arms would be like ballpark franks.
My behind as big as Sherman Tanks.


But...if my flappers wouldn't close
I would leak like a garden hose.
My insides would turn to dust.
My skin would be a hardened crust.


My...well, just remember to check
your flapperstat ever so often.

I’m Running Away


I wanted to go and trick-or-treat
to the house across the street.
Mommy said I'm not big enough.
Crossing the street is grown-up stuff.


I guess that I'll have to show her I
am really quite a grown-up guy.
I'll pack a sack, run away from home, 
go wherever I want to roam.


I'll join the circus and train a bear.
Be a pilot and fly anywhere.
I'll be a fireman, fight a fire.
Do whatever I desire.


I'll be a King and have a palace.
Or, visit the aurora borealis.
I'll be a sailor and sail the sea.
I'm going now, don't stop me.


I'll run so far away from here
I won't get back for about a year.
Well, I am going out the door.
I won't be back anymore.


'Bobby', said mommy, 'I see you're back.
Did you forget to take your sack'? 
'No mommy, 
Running away isn't very neat
If you won't let me cross the street'.